: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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