i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
