Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
