Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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