I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
