is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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