i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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