okay pat passed out under dana's car
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
