best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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