Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
