my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
