Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
