You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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