he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
