I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
