he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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