The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
