I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
