just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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