i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
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