so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
