Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
