When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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