you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You did what with his pubic hair?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
