Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
