I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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