If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
