we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
