My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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