My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
