btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
