I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We are all done wearing pants today
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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