literally had 100 drinks last night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
