There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
