My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
