my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just high enough for therapy.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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