She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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