Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
