At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
