My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
