just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just google imaged poop.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
