it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
