She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
