Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
