im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
