Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
