That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
