Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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