dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
