He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
