You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
