she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
organizing the empties. That sober.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
