you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
